January 2025: Neurodivergent Thriving

Posted on Jan 26, 2025

It never ceases to amaze me when a theme surfaces in my monthly journal read-overs in preparation for this blog. January has been a month of releasing old ways of thinking and be-ing to make room for the new. While that was my entire 2024, it tended to focus on the father wound. The start of 2025 has been about “levelling up.” Now that the father wound isn’t all-encompassing, I can focus on what I want to develop instead of what needs to be left behind. This does sort of dovetail with the second theme of January – neurodivergence – in that this revelation of my own neurodivergence has really liberated me to see “me for me” – in all my odd glory and ultraviolet brilliance (see graphic).

Now it feels like I have too much to regurgitate into this month’s blog entry! But the irony is not lost on me that levelling up to the thriving phase of trauma recovery means embracing neurodivergence after spending decades trying to be neurotypical. (Quick review: the standard 3 phases or modes of trauma recovery are victim, survivor, and thriving.) In my family, all three of us siblings have had similar experiences of forcing a square peg into a round whole. Interestingly, our neurodivergence is unique to each of us – with only one of us being diagnosed on the AD/HD spectrum in mid-adulthood.

It is my belief that neurodivergence is broader than the two spectrums of autism and AD/HD – with some folks living on more than one spectrum – not necessarily limited to the two already noted. While I can relate to symptoms and expressions of both mild autism and attention deficit spectrums, I would not fit either category sufficiently for a diagnosis. However, neurodivergence is broad enough to include my own quirkiness including unusual ways of processing and communicating information.

Of course, my OCD and cPTSD already play significant roles in how I process and pass along information; but it never fully explained how I function. To back the bus up a bit, in a world of polarities, the opposite of neurodivergence is neurotypical which includes all those kids who excel in school without any effort. They memorize easily and take in information relatively well via the usual channels of visual and/or auditory learners. They are fairly compliant with maintaining the ‘status quo’ and have no issues with sensory processing – not easily overstimulated or overwhelmed with incoming data from various senses – and tend to make friends without issue.

In my experience, I had/have significant issues with social skills and I’m neither a visual nor auditory learner. I get bored pretty quickly with videos as my brain usually works a little faster than how social media packages visually-presented material. Due to this busy brain, I also have difficulty concentrating on solely auditory information as my brain wanders if my hands and eyes aren’t busy with something – which can appear like I’m not paying attention when actually I am enhancing my concentration, not detracting from it.

My primary way of taking on new information is reading – allowing me to process at my own pace and go back to review as many times as necessary – or skip ahead. When I am learning a new skill, I like to watch someone perform the steps, then give them a try myself. Emphasis on word ‘steps’ – I do not do well if I can’t break down a complicated process into bite-sized pieces. I once worked at a vehicle rental company that had no standard procedure for completing rental agreements – and it was so convoluted a system that I had difficulty establishing any steps. I usually missed a crucial element; and I did not stay at that company long.

Another factor of neurodivergence: we tend not to be good employees if our particular ways of be-ing are not accommodated. I chalked up my varied work history to my emotional and mental disorders when really, in looking back, I can see my neurodivergence being the culprit: not having steps to follow or clear directions/expectations. I don’t deal well with ambiguity and tend to be a straight shooter. But I haven’t always been when my people-pleasing survival mechanism meant always watching for what the other people wanted. I could be a confusing chameleon with the best of them – adapting to every situation as best I could.

I imagine many “neurodivergents” have conflicting operating systems. Socially, I wanted to fit in but felt different, odd, or out-of-place hence the bed-over-backwards to people please or chameleon approach to life – never seeming to have a mind of my own. When learning a task, I would need to see the big picture before attempting detailed steps – often to the frustration of authority figures like parents, teachers, and employers. As I would fumble through, I would ‘see’ a better way of doing things (e.g. more efficient or suited to my abilities) which comes across as non-compliant more than taking initiative.

One of my journal entries this month mentioned, “Just when I thought I had come to terms with my life ‘as is,’ I get pulled into this vortex of dissatisfaction. I wish I could be ‘content’ like other older single women. This is when I have to remind myself that I’m different…so even if I met someone, I might still have these vacillations. It is enough to make a person go crazy – like their own system is gaslighting them. And then when we have external gaslighting to boot – like narcissist spouses or family members – it is enough to drive a person crazy.”

Ironically, I always thought I was neurotypical because I excelled in academic environments – but it was never with ease. I had to work hard for my grades which became a false sense of self for me. When my grades would falter, I would feel worthless. Excelling academically also meant I fell through the cracks for any possible supports – plus it was prior to this current age of learning disabilities and accommodations. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if it wasn’t always about survival – but I guess that is the point of the thriving phase of trauma recovery – we do get to experience life beyond survival. We enter into ‘our own’ and embrace life fully as it comes.

So here is to 2025 being about embracing possibilities and levelling up! I am in such a different place than when I started 2024 it is nearly unbelievable. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I didn’t recognize myself – except I am more ‘my Self” than I have ever been. In what ways can you see yourself embracing more of your “true-ness” in 2025? What sorts of old beliefs and ways of be-ing do you need to release in order to make room for thriving?